No Regrets: Push Off From Shore

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So, throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." - Mark Twain 

I heard this quote a long time ago and I think it's appropriate for how I feel right now. 

I have an Instagram account, but I am constantly deleting the app for a couple of weeks, then downloading it again. This is because I have poor self-control when it comes to social media and will spend hours scrolling endlessly. So, when life and studies pick up and I know that I don't have extra time to squander, I delete it to focus on the pressing matters. Then, inevitably, I download it again to snoop on the lives of my family and few friends. 

Anyway, all that's nearly besides the point. 

I recently re-downloaded it again but, a few days ago, I realized that I am now seeing many ads for summer internships, summer jobs at national parks, mission trips, and such - ways for a young person to spend their summer. 

Even though my summer is already planned out (family vacations in May and June, then starting medical school in July), I found myself clicking on these ads just to see "what could have been". 

Now, let me make something quite clear: I am beyond grateful to have gotten into medical school and would not exchange this for anything! But...

I started to feel a bit sad when looking at the job description for a summer job in Yellowstone. I don't have time for that this summer, then next summer will be taken by...

Then it hit me. I'll never do any of those summer jobs/trips/experiences again. That season of my life has passed. At least my next four or five summers will be taken by Army training (I got the HPSP!), studying during medical school and for board exams, and other similar things. Afterwards, I'll be in residency and in the Army. Then, who knows? I'll be a doctor, maybe I'll have started a family by then, and I'll be in my mid-thirties. 

The time for summer excursions has passed. 

That realization hit me like a ton of bricks. Classic cliche, I know, but it literally felt like the breath was sucked from my lungs for a moment. I think that the last time I experienced this was when I outgrew Vacation Bible School or when my mom told me I was too big to go on the playground (LOL). 

Realizing that a season of my life has passed without my knowing it or having a chance to savor the last of it was...painful. 

Then, just as quickly as the pain had hit me, I realized something else: I didn't waste my time. I didn't waste any of it. I did go on summer trips. As soon as I was old enough, I did travel and see the world (I've been to England, Scotland, Wales, Nicaragua, Canada, and all the "Lower 48" states in the USA). I did go on a mission trips (two, actually - a week-long trip to Nicaragua and a 2.5-month-long trip in Pennsylvania). I did spend a summer on a farm (interning on a dairy farm). I did enjoy a prestigious research internship. 

The pain that I felt as the result of a lie that the devil whispered to me (that I didn't spend my time wisely, that I squandered my childhood and young adult life, etc.) is nothing compared to the GRATITUDE that I have for God. God didn't let me waste my time. He used every moment of it to allow me to live my life to the fullest. 

I didn't stay in that "safe harbor" - I explored the high seas. I lived, I dreamed, I explored, I discovered. 

Living life wasn't an idea restrained to big trips and extravagant experiences, either. Only recently have I had social media; most of my life was spent without such accounts. Instead, I fished, I hiked, I SCUBA dived, I swam, I wandered, I camped, I went for long walks in my city, I watched the birds at the bird feeder, I started and maintained a garden for years, I wrote many books through which I expanded my imagination, I spent hours at the kitchen table with my family, I made friends and lost some and made more friends and grew, I worshipped and praised and prayed, I did it all. 

I have no regrets. 

Sure, the phase of my life in which I could spend my summers on missions or lengthy vacations or cool summer jobs is over, but I have faith that I have a lot more life ahead of me, and that this next phase will be just as thrilling and exhilarating and joyful and blessed as the last phase. Yet, even if my life ended tomorrow, I will go up to heaven with a smile on my face, having lived and loved. 

I look back and, rather than shedding a tear for all of the other experiences I could have had, I smile with the confidence that I chose wisely and loved every minute of it. Even the worst moments of my past are valuable, if for nothing else than for the lessons learned from them. The best moments are immortalized in my memory, framed on the walls of my mind, cherished forever. 

So, if you are like me and find yourself leaving a phase more quickly than you expected then, friend, let me offer this advice: smile. Thank God for the time He has given you. Praise Him for every moment. Trust that He has guided, is guiding, and will guide every step of your journey. Don't look back with bitterness. Instead, look forward with anticipation. Have faith that the sun will shine and love, especially His, will endure. 

However, reader, if you are younger, then please take this word of advice: live life to the fullest! Now, I don't mean that you should go out and be reckless, run on the train tracks and break laws. I mean that you should spend your time wisely. "How?" you might ask. "How do I do that practically?" Let me put it this way: if you find yourself scrolling on social media or even on the news when, outside, the sun is shining or there is a sibling/friend/parent nearby or there is a neglected hobby nearby or there is an adventure you've pushed to the backburner simply because you haven't found the energy to do it... Go. Do. Talk. Interact. Go for a walk. Pick up that hobby. Talk to that person. Put down your phone. Try something new! Never tried fishing or Pilates or sewing or cooking or gardening? Give it a try! Just go DO IT. You'll never regret giving it a try even if you end up not liking it, but what you will regret is never trying at all.

So, I'm deleting Instagram now. I have a life to live 😉 And so do you 💛

~
"The thief comes only to steal and kill and 
destroy; I have come that they may 
have life, and have it to the full."
John 10:10

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